How many times?
by IStoleYourJuice
Summary: How many times would Josephine be forced to watch the love of her life risk his life? How many times would she be sitting here waiting for him to return to her? How many times would he have to save her life?6


**A/N: Ugh. Okay so this was originally posted under my other name but due to issues I brought this as well as my other story over here in hopes that I can continue writing. Thank you all for your support and understanding. **

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><p>Josephine paced back and forth in the dark war room, nervously biting her nails in a most undiplomatic manner. But what did she care of tact and diplomacy at the moment? Nothing. There was only one thing she cared about more than anything in the world at this moment, and that thing remained so far out of her grasp that it took all of her remaining strength not to scream at the top of her lungs.<p>

Nearly an entire day had passed since The Inquisitor and his allies left the safety of Skyhold to face Corypheus, and an unknown fate. Rasler Trevelyan and the others-Cassandra, Sera, Vivienne, Blackwall, Iron Bull, Varric, Dorian, Solas-all of them (with the exception of Cole) had gone to face the would be god in one final epic battle. The victor of this would ultimately decide the fate of all of Thedas.

Josephine replayed that moment over and over in her mind, and each time the lump in her throat seemed to grow as big as the Breach itself.

"Inquisitor." Cullen said grimly. "We have no soldiers to send with you."

Rasler gave one stiff nod. "I know. And so does Corypheus I'll wager."

"You can't be serious!" Josephine protested.

"Josie-" Rasler began.

"Do not 'Josie' me! This is madness! You are suggesting fighting the biggest threat to Thedas since the blight with what? Your cunning wit?"

"Well, I was hoping to charm him with my dashing good looks first." Rasler said with that half smile she usually found irresistible. Currently, however, she found it maddening.

"This is not a joke! If you go you will die!"

Leliana cleared her throat and nodded pointedly at to the door when Cullen looked over.

"Right, I think we should-ah, attend to Skyhold's defenses for the time being."

"Excellent thought, Commander."

Leliana and Cullen left the war room leaving Rasler and a near hysterical Josephine alone.

"Josephine." Rasler said gently. "You know that had I the option I would stay here with you. But I can't, I am the only one who can stop that _thing_ from destroying all of us. And as long as he is fighting me I know that he is far away from you."

Josephine closed her eyes and turned her head in an effort to keep the tears welling up in her eyes from overflowing. She felt Rasler come closer and tenderly wrap his arms around her.

"I love you Josie."

Josephine looked up at him, the tears now freely flowing down her face. "And I love you, with all my heart. Come back to me."

Now nearly a day later, Josephine was left alone with nothing but that memory to hold onto.

How many times would she be forced to go through this? How many times would she be expected to send her love off to face Maker knows what and hope that he returned to her? First Haven, then Adament, the Arbor Wilds, now this. How many times would he be asked to saved a world that would barely know what he did for them?

She knew that all of these events had saved her life as well, not to mention when he stood against the House of Repose to save her from a ruthless band of assassins. Indeed without him, she would not have her own life. He had also saved her from a life stuck in a loveless marriage with an obscure Antivan noble who no doubt thought of her as nothing more than a political gain rather than a woman. Rasler on the other hand, made her feel things she had never thought possible. She was reminded of this every time she looked at him. Whenever she thought of all he had done for her, her heart swelled with a love that could not be put into words. She thanked the Maker every day that this man walked into her life

Andraste this was unfair! She finally found a man worth giving her heart to, and he was constantly pulled away from her for one reason or another. And did anyone ever thank him when he returned? Of course not. The instant he returned from whatever life threatening adventure he had been on, he was bombarded with yet more life threatening issues to attend to.

How many times had he gone to bed after everyone in the keep, and been up before them the next day? She could not count the number of times she had awoken, only to find her love already hard at work in the war room, or conferring with Cullen or Leliana about one matter or another. But no matter how tired he was, he would always offer her the smile he reserved just for her whenever he saw her.

There were times that Josephine felt resentment towards her fellow Inquisition advisers. Surely Cullen and Leliana could see how weary Rasler had become, yet they insisted on throwing one bit of information at him after another. Josephine had to remind herself that whatever they were discussing was no doubt imperative to the survival of Thedas, but that did nothing to lessen the sting of seeing her lover under such strain.

Those precious moments they spent alone together was what gave her the strength to keep going during his absence. When he was not the Inquisitor, not the last hope of all of the Thedas, he was just Rasler, the man who made her feel so loved and protected. She knew that she was falling for him even back in Haven. The look of determination as he ran off to an almost certain death after making sure that the rest of them would be safe had finally made her admit what she had been denying: she was in love with him.

The first night they had made love and he held her in his arms, she knew that this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. He was so fierce on the battlefield and he was seen as a hard man to those outside of the Inquisition. But when he touched her, it was with a careful gentleness that she had never known. How many times had he made her actually _feel _the words that he was saying?

How many times would all of that be threatened to be taken away from her forever? How many times would she be in this exact situation, wondering if the one thing she had ever wanted for herself was going to be taken away from her forever?

A small knock on the door pulled her out of reverie. Leliana entered the room closing the door behind her.

"There's no news." She responded to Josephine's expectant look. Josephine sighed and nodded her head.

The two stood in silence for several moments, neither one knowing what to say.

"I remember that final battle of Denerim." Leliana said softly. "When Aedan told me that I was to stay behind while he went to face the Archdemon without me, Maker I was furious. I had never been that angry at him. I knew that he wanted to ensure my safety, but he was taking away my chance to ensure his."

Josephine listened intently. Leliana rarely spoke of her role in the Blight and right now she needed a distraction.

"It wasn't that I would not be a part of the final battle that angered me, it was the thought that I would never see him again. That after so many years of searching, the one thing that I truly loved would be ripped away from me just as suddenly as it had come."

Josephine understood that feeling only too well.

"He was gone for almost a day, yet I remember it feeling like much longer. I had no way of knowing what was happening or if he was safe, it was worse than any torture I have ever endured."

"But he returned." Josephine said quietly.

"As will Rasler." Leliana placed a reassuring hand on the younger woman's shoulder. "We did not pick weak men to love Josie. They are stubborn as all hell, but they put their lives in danger to ensure that ours are safe. The least we can do for them is be strong while they are away, and always be waiting for them when they finally return to us."

Josephine nodded, grateful for Leliana's ability to always calm her when she was on the verge of hysterics.

Bells sounded from the courtyard, followed by excited shouts. Cullen came crashing into the room a huge smile across his normally stoic face.

"They return."

Josephine looked at Leliana and the two women ran through the main hall into the courtyard, stopping at the top of the main stairs.

"Open the gates!" Cullen commanded.

The massive gates to the keep slowly opened and moments later the rag tag group of heroes began trailing into the courtyard. Dorian and Sera entered first and a roar of applause and cheers rose from the awaiting crowd. Varric and Iron Bull came next, followed closely by Vivienne. The cheering continued as the battered heroes made their way through the crowd toward the keep. They were bloody, worn, and battered, but they were alive.

Josephine had to keep from screaming in frustration as she watched the companions enter one by one, without Rasler. Several tense moments passed without any sign of the other companions. The crowd had become deathly quiet as the realization fell on them that their Inquisitor was not among the returning heroes.

"There." Leliana said pointing toward the gate.

Three figures emerged into the courtyard. Blackwall was being supported between Rasler and Cassandra and seemed to be unable to use his left leg.

An ear splitting roar erupted from the crowd as they made their way through the gates. Rasler had a thin stream of blood trailing down his face, and Cassandra had a heavily bandaged arm, but they were alive. All of them. Except...

"Solas?" Cullen said next to her. Leliana shrugged.

Several soldiers rushed forward to relieve Cassandra and Rasler of the wounded Blackwall, and the two seemed to be grateful for the release of the added weight. The screams from the crowd was almost deafening but Josephine didn't seem to notice. Rasler caught her eye and gave her that special smile that always made her heart melt.

It only took a few seconds for her to be down the stairs and into his awaiting arms. The crowed seemed to get louder at witnessing their normally poised ambassador let her guard down and simply be a woman happy to have her lover back.

She looked into Rasler's tired eyes and he gently placed his hand on her cheek.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Love." He said with a tired smile.

"How many times have I heard you say that?" She said running her fingers through his short dark hair.

"How many times will I get away with it?"

"As many times as you return to me."

He pulled her closer to him and gently kissed her, his way of promising that he would always return to her no matter where he was.

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><p>Josephine and Rasler stood on their balcony overlooking the mountains later that night, looking up at the stars on the first clear night in nearly a year. He held her in his arms with his chin gently resting on her head.<p>

It was late into the night, yet the celebrations could still be heard in full swing.

"Are you sure you won't join them?" Josephine asked looking up at him. "The celebration is for you, you know."

Rasler scoffed. "How many times has my victory been celebrated this past year? I think I have earned the right to choose how I celebrate."

Josephine smiled. "True enough." She looked up at him and he gently kissed her forehead.

"How many times is it possible for you to save my life?" She asked him, tracing his jaw with her finger.

He looked into her dark eyes and gave the only answer he knew to be true. "As many times as it takes."


End file.
